THE HARD WAY, By Maggie Ryan

My son Tom (Thomas Alan Ryan) came into this world on August 7, 1969, one week before the  Woodstock Music and Arts Festival ignited the counterculture. The fact that he was gifted with extraordinary natural musical ability would seem to have been foretold. At a fairly young age, he was determined to have an auditory processing disorder which negatively impacts his understanding of spoken language and is seen in many persons on the autism spectrum.

When your child has been found to be neurodivergent, (which is the current term used for persons on the autism spectrum and related states of being) and/or "disabled" in other categories, developmental milestones are sometimes hard won and vary to a greater or lesser extent than for the neurotypical or able-bodied individual. In other words, progress is hard to measure and unpredictable, and comes at a price.

Awareness is to be pursued as an overall goal, along with understanding and appropriate actions, physical and mental. One particular aspect of awareness, however, can be quite painful - the child's realization of being different, and not in a good way. Many years ago I served as the parent advocate on what was then known in the school district as the Committee on the Handicapped. Children who were referred for special education services were evaluated through testing and observation and placed in what determined to be "the least restrictive environment" for that child. This could range from a service like speech therapy, all the way to special class placement or even out of district placement. Parents came to the committee meetings, often in states of anxiety and/or hostility. I was supposed to help them through this which was often quite difficult. Many times they would demand every kind of service available whether appropriate or not, or on the other end of the spectrum, deny that anything was "wrong with their child." My rule of thumb, which I tried, sometimes successfully, to impart was to zero in on only the essential services needed. If students are pulled out of their classrooms for an excess amount of therapies, they have difficulty keeping up with their regular assignments and are led to think that there are an overwhelming amount of things that are "wrong" with them. I found that more is not necessarily better and a service should be appropriate and effective because the child is being singled out and labeled and at risk for derision and bullying.

Tom's school experience had its ups and downs and he didn't escape the negative aspects I have mentioned. His musical abilities did make things more bearable. He participated in band and chorus with mainstream students and impressed his teachers with his grasp of musical concepts and abilities - instrumental and vocal. While still in high school, he joined the Coalition for Disabled Musicians (an outside nonprofit organization) and their rock band "Range of Motion." The overwhelming majority of the membership consisted of physically challenged musicians so his language processing disorder significantly improved by interacting with new friends who challenged him to keep up with their superior communication skills. He had begun to venture into songwriting and thus his ability to come up with meaningful lyrics was much improved.  The melody was always the easy part.

Since Tom's language and communication were limited, it was hard to tell when his awareness of his condition occurred/developed. He tended to be content in solitary play, but welcomed interaction with family and to some degree, preschool classmates. He spent a lot of time listening to music and playing with musical toys. When he was 7 years old he repeatedly asked for a piano. There's a fantastic story about how we acquired one, but I won't go into it here. Needless to say, he started to play it immediately and we engaged a teacher who understood that teaching by example worked better than a lecture approach. Fast forward to today and Tom has just retired from a full-time civil service job (another story), and has been performing in public for over 35 years, playing guitar, keyboards and bass and currently learning harmonica and Irish tin whistle. He played trumpet in school band as well as experimenting with saxophone, drums and fiddle.

Here I would like to spotlight one of Tom's original songs, the only one he's ever written about his disability, called The Hard Way. It was written in 1988, a year before he graduated from high school and while he was in the Coalition for Disabled Musicians. His band played it with him often and he recorded it as well, playing all the instruments and doing all the vocals.

After hearing this for the first time, I realized how far he had come in his awareness of his condition and how maturely he has accepted it and how positive in outlook he remains. I am in awe of his courage and strength. I asked him about the identity of the person in the song's chorus where he says "holding on to you" and he said, "That's you Mom." That's where I lost it and the song still brings me to tears. I have reprinted the lyrics below for everyone out there. I think it's an amazing tribute to all the folks doing it "The Hard Way." Keep on keeping on.

THE HARD WAY, by Tom Ryan

Copyright 1988 – words and music

 https://www.eawd.org/artists/tom-ryan

VERSE 1

Walking by the ocean, down by the sea

Wondering to myself, what will become of me

I have so far to go, but I’m a full-grown man

This life is not so very easy, but I’ll try to do the best I can

CHORUS

I’m doing it the hard way, holding on to you

I’m trying hard to be patient, I’ll try to understand

I’m doing it the hard way, knowing what this world is about

When you want to learn something that’s not easy

You’ll just have to do it the hard way

VERSE 2

Turn on the radio, turn on the tv

We’ll find out what this world is like

Just between you and me

Listen to the forecast, listen to the news

We’ll find out what happens tomorrow

And we’ll find out what to do

CHORUS

Instrumental Break

VERSE 3

Out in the street, out in the world

There’s so much going on out there

I’ve got to find out what it is

So what is wrong, and what is right?

How will I ever know, if I am learning the truth?

CHORUS

I’m doing it the hard way (4x)